Wednesday, February 28, 2007

(a belated) Elvis Wednesday: replacing curse words

Hoo boy. I am apparently on a mission to make a neverending to-do list at work. Last pay period, I worked 44 out of 80 hours. I was either blissfully sleeping off a flu bug or spending time with my lovely sister so I don't regret my absense from the cubicle.

Apparently my cubicle wasn't feeling so amicable. Although I stopped by often enough to keep my plants and Betta (fish named Flipper) alive, my absence was noted.

There are tiny larve of some sort keeping Flipper company in his large glass vase and he's not looking his best. I'm going to have to find time to do a complete water change later on today, which is creepy because I don't have a spare fish bowl for Flipper to stay in while his vase is being cleaned. He swims in my giant mug/bowl I eat oatmeal out of. Also, I'm extremely paranoid that I'll lose him down the sink drain.

One of my peace lillies is now home to a swarm of tiny knats. I think I drowned out thier party pretty effeciently yesterday, but time will tell. My other peace lilly and Madagasgar Dragon Tree look forlorn. My spider plant has always protested living under flourescent lights, but looks really pale and wimpy now. I'll try to take some encouragement from 4 office plants who didn't seem to notice my absence.

I used my computer on Monday and didn't notice anything amiss, perhaps I was imagining the cubicle sabotage?

Nope. On Tuesday morning, before I could even see my deskI could hear my computer (that I'm pretty sure I turned off) whining like a cloud of mosquitos; a horrible, high-pitched EEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Tech services swooped in to the rescue, and long story short, after 3 hours of tinkering (when I needed to be working to make deadlines) they've loaned me a temp computer and my harddrive is probably toast. I hadn't backed up my work, and I've got very little work stored on a shared drive. Losing 4 years worth of data? A very real possiblilty.

Fortunately, I was issued a new computer a couple months ago, and tech services has been too busy to wipe out my old hard drive, so at minimum, I'll get most of my data back, and will only
be missing the past few months worth of work.

The idea of loosing a few months worth of work is nearly enough to make me march into the local gay bar (cause the manly barmaid makes a strong mixed drink for $3.25) and announce "take me to your Rum". But, I'm keeping it in perspective, and decided to be creative rather than destructive with my rage.

At the same time, I'm on a mission to stop cursing, because it is neither ladylike, sportsmanlike or "rated G" to curse in a rollerderby situation. And since my team wants to sell lots of tickets, we want to be known for being family entertainment, as in not chanting "crap crap crap crap gonna fall" as you whiz around corners looking like a drunk moose on ice.

So, I present to you the ever-flexible phrase:"Elvis Presley on a stick"
As in

"Elvis Presley on a stick - it's cold out here!"
"Elvis Presley on a stick - my knees hurt!"
"Elvis Presley on a stick - my fishbowl has larve in it!"
"Elvis Presley on a stick - there's a knat condo in that potting soil!"
"Elvis Presley on a stick - that girl tries my patience!"
"Elvis Presley on a stick! Your fart smelled like cat poo!"
"Elvis Presley on a stick - I'm surrounded by nimrods!"

I'd present you with a clever Elvis Presley photo, but my failed harddrive ate it.
F*ckin' computer . . . .

COMMENTS (harvested from old account)
Madame D - 2007-02-28 23:23:17 Damn, I don't envy you cleaning up your language. My favorite all-encompassing term is "fuck!" right now, with the occasional "motherfucker!" thrown in. Not generally aimed at people, either. I tried once. Didn't really work.
nikki - 2007-03-01 09:43:15 perhaps madame d, you could try "mother fucking elvis on a stick"?
Catazon - 2007-03-01 09:45:08 I'll have to come up with a phrase myself, because I've started cursing a lot more now that MPOW has decided to block my league's website, WTF???

Saturday, February 24, 2007

instagoober: just add rum

THANK YOU to the tenth power goes to the folks I drank with last night; I had a fantastic time.
My memory is fuzzy as to how I earned my five bar crawl "points" . . . next time I hope to earn more and drink less.

  • One pint of Bass with dinner - no biggie
  • One rum and (diet) coke and a quiet bar/club - buzz approaching
  • One half a rum and diet at a loud bar (with an 80's cover band) - increased buzz, rightfully decide not to put on roller skates.
  • One rum and diet a tiny, cozy bar - baouirytarwoi tuaweiog farked up!

THIS is where one of my fellow roller girls in training swooped in, (assisted by our announcer) lead me by my arm to the next bar and suggested that I wanted to drink water. It felt fantastic to be the person being drunk-sat rather than the drunk-sitter, and I probably told her that at least 25 times.
But to reiterate:ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou . . . . .
I'm still puzzled as to how I went from mild buzz to total blitz so qiuckly. And I'm completely mystified that I'm not yakking and don't think I'm going to yakk.
I'm off to get ready for a two hour drive to attend a hillbilly festival with my family, so long as no one swings chicken livers under my nose I should be fine. . . . .
Question of the day: What's your favorite hangover remedy?

COMMENTS (harvested from old account)

X Libris - 2007-02-25 14:51:13 Alka-Seltzer. 1 package before you go to sleep (with a large glass of water). 1 package when you wake up (with another large glass of water. Works every time, I prommise.

nikki - 2007-02-26 11:29 i haven't had a hangover since before aaron is born, so i have no advice chicky. glad to hear you had a great time!

Madame D - 2007-02-26 22:12:29 I don't get hangovers, but what is good to do is drink a bunch of water before you go to sleep. Alcohol is a diuretic, and that leads to the headache in the morning.

alfredsmom - 2007-02-27 12:56:21 Taco Bell. :) And, Ive been meaning to say how intrigued I am about this roller girl journey you are on. I have never heard of this. Is there a website that explains it more?

Friday, February 23, 2007

if I could rewind time . . .

. . . I would have weighed myself and measured the circumference of my calves, thighs, hips, waist, ribcage, biceps, forearms, and neck (why leave my neck out?)
I'm convinced that I'm drastically changing shape.

I wasn't at my physical worst a month ago (my physical worst was 7 years ago, perhaps more on that later . . .) but I was certainly in a "hey, what's up with my clothes getting snug?" slump.
Making this even more entertaining is going through this experience with lots of other rollergirls-in-training. It is not uncommon to hear "hey! Feel my ass! It's fantastic!" followed by "Damn! That is fantastic!" (I'm more of a "hey, check out these abs" gal myself).

I attended a short laps practice yesterday with badass-didn't-start-skating-till-30-years-old and another fellow newbie. Badass (and buff) speedy skater pointed out that my kneepads were smaller than hers, and followed that with "well, my legs are bigger than yours . . . um, I think all of me is bigger than you".

Under normal circumstances, the smaller woman would blush, internally gloat and say something along the lines of "oh, I've been dieting/working out/blessed with good genetics"
My response?"Give me a little time, I'll get big too!"

I want to have to buy bigger clothes because my muscles (NOT PUDGE) are stretching seams. I want to be the person that opens stuck jar lids - (sounds humble, but I have crappy wrists). I want to be the person that lifts tillers/mowers/whatever out of vehicles. I want to be the person who can rearrange heavy furniture without assistance.

COMMENTS (harvested from old account)
nikki - 2007-02-23 10:36:46 hey, i got a couch that needs to be moved. do ya think you could help?!?!?!?
Madame D - 2007-02-24 19:15:57 I'll trade! For as long as I can remember, I've been the jar opener/mover/packmule. I'm actually glad that I can no longer easily pick up my child, making him walk.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

postcard from the edge

Dear Diaryland, (I used to blog there, this is my archive)
You suck. I'm so tired of all the spam that I'm tempted to ask for my money back. I am really not impressed.

Dear Readers,
I miss posting to this blog and reading your blogs. I'm hella busy now training to be a rollergirl and keeping up with my new responsibilities at work. Promotions are cool on payday, but on other days it can be a bit of a drag to have to constantly navigate unfamiliar territory. Well, not constantly, but I was really comfy in my old rut.

Super short update:
1) I think I'm getting stronger!
2) My skating has improved, and I'm still giddy about derby training.
3) Promotions at work are both cool and sucky.
4) All my pets are happy and healthy - hooray!
5) My sister RULES for helping me de-clutter my kitchen, talk about _love_.
6) I'm going to seriously flip the bitch switch if Mr. Hubby doesn't quit "cheating" in his quest to stop smoking cigarettes.
7) No really, it's driving me nuts. To the point that I'm telling the blogosphere about it.
8) I want to catch up with my blog-reading very soon, I feel very out-of-the-loop.

COMMENTS (harvested from old account)
Mari - 2007-02-22 11:20:42 Rollergirls drink tomorrow night! Open skate?
nikki - 2007-02-22 13:22:43 glad to hear you are alive and well. go kick some roller derby butt!-------------------------------
Madame D - 2007-02-23 00:03:11 Doesn't he realize that the whole rollergirl thing is just going to make you more badass, and capable of kicking his still-smoking butt?
Tony - 2007-02-23 09:36:13 Tell Mr. Hubby I'm going to come over and jam a pencil in his ear in his sleep if he doesn't cut it out. (This threat actually worked when he lived with me.) Crawl with you later!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

a very strange experience

Yesterday, my sister and I discovered that we are really starting to look alike. Perhaps since there is a 25 month difference in our ages, until now, we've NEVER looked alike at the same time. Our baby pictures are similar, but even a stranger could tell you which (squinty eyed, gummy grinned) baby would turn out to be me.

We've always sounded very similar, much to our entertainment - when we were in highschool we'd mess with guy friends by switching the phone back and forth between the two of us mid conversation and see how long it took the guy to notice the difference. 95% of the time it was giggling or not knowing the appropriate response to a question that gave us away, rather than our subtle differences in voice quality or lexicon. (Weeeeellll, my vocabulary may be a *little* bigger, but she's never struck with temporary stuttering or lisping like I occasionally am).

She's finally on her way from button/pug nose to pointy nose. I lost my button nose when I was 6, she was a thumb-sucker and smoshed her nose down constantly, perhaps altering the way her (childhood) nose looked?

I'd swear that her chin is starting to stick out like mine. Or perhaps she's getting buffer, loosing a little weight and that weight is being subtracted from her neck, causing her chin to look bigger??
Compliment of compliments, she wants me to pluck her eyebrows so they look like mine. Neither one of us is particularly gifted in the eyebrow department - we have anti-uni-brows; very little eyebrows in the middle whatsoever and not much to speak of elsewhere either. (I think I'll be lazy and take her to the lovely indian lady who does tweezers my eyebrows with string).

Since I'm growing my hair out and have dyed it a slighty lighter color of reddish-brown (usually if I bother to dye, I go to black-brown) even our hair looks more similar.

To add to the wierd-factor, when she takes her contacts out, she wears glasses almost exactly like mine.

We sat at my kitchen table last night just staring at each other, creeping each other out - it was very much like looking in a mirrior. Finally we decided that we had better watch a movie so we could look at something other than each other's faces because it was starting to get spooky.
We put a movie on in the den/guest room and next thing I know it's morning, I'm laying in bed with my (sleeping) lookalike sis and my dog is happily wedged between us. Thankfully Mr. Hubby had turned the TV off and took care of locking up, etc - I have no recollection of him trying to move me to bed, but I've been told that I talk a mean "just let me sleep right here" in my sleep.

(useless aside: I used to live in a spooky house where I was always mean in my sleep. Move to a friendly house, and now I'm no longer mean in my sleep - weeeeeeeeiiiird).

COMMENTS (harvested from old account)
Madame D - 2007-02-17 12:33:34 Man, I won't ever have that, because my sister? We have different dads. And look nothing alike. Period. My son, however, does look a bit like me, so maybe I'll succeed there.
nikkki - 2007-02-19 12:01:12 i now have patty duke's theme song running through my head.
alfredsmom - 2007-02-19 22:41:40 I have an idea! Why dont you post a picture of the two of you so we can see the resemblance? ;)

Thursday, February 15, 2007

a quick(ish) post

1) Yep, I'm alive and hopefully almost over nasty-cold-of-February-2007. I spent to last two days at home due to bad weather and feeling gross. I had the attention span of a knat, which is alright when you're mostly interested in sleeping all day. Also explains why I was such a space cadet at practice on Sunday and at work on Monday . . .
2) My apologies to the Wednesday-Elvis seekers, my home computer is frazzled by the task of uploading new photos. Again, I was interested in sleeping all day, not playing tech geek.
3) We _did_ lose electricity at our house for 6 hours on Tuesday, I must have slept through the first half hour or so. The crock pot was still warm, and thankfully, the water in our fishtank was still warm. I covered it with lots of blankets and the zebra danias and the snail colony survived. The live plants didn't seem aversly affected by the chill either.
4) I did lose some cactus plants but don't have the heart to put them out on the compost pile just yet. They still look alive-ish, but their innards are mush. Given that I have too many houseplants, it's not really a tragic loss, but is a bit of a bummer. Some of them were getting to be the size of submarine sandwiches, and I had raised them up from tiny little golfball-size cacti.
5) I skated last night (yeah, I know that people who are too sick to attend work from 8-5 shouldn't be well enough to skate from 7-9, but nyeeeeeeeh) and kicked some arse, at the expense of wiping out a few times. I learned the painful way that I was not wearing my hip pads in the right position. I don't think I did anything truly nasty to myself, but my left hip, and left shoulder have certainly felt better.
I'm feeling pretty badass about my injury because I earned it while trying to complete an intimidating task: skate 20 (or more) laps in 5 minutes. I wiped out about 2 minutes in and got back up quickly, then wiped out again after another 2 minutes and fell a third time as I was getting up from my second fall. In my defense, the floor was slicker than snot (something to do with cold temperature on the old basketball court floor) and I had no clue that I wasn't running behind. I managed 22 laps - happy dance!!! I still have to improve my "get around the turn quickly" technique so I can skate 5 laps in one minute, I missed that goal by 5(?) seconds. I didn't expect to make it, so I'm not particularly dissapointed.
I was so sad for another derbygirl who missed that goal by only 2 seconds, the look on her face nearly brought tears to my eyes. (I can be such a sympathetic wuss!) Later on, she did almost 25 laps in five minutes, so I know she'll succeed next time we're tested.
6) Gotta catch up on a metric ton of office work, probably won't have time to stop by other blogs since I'll be hanging out with my sister tomorrow. Hooray!!